(April 28, 2008) – This column was not written a couple of weeks ago as scheduled because: A) I've been away from my computer on a mission that was so secret I am the only one who knew about it; B) Jake, our dog, and Tucanae, our cat, had a tug-of-war with my notes on a serious matter -- over-standard levels of trihalomethanes and haloacetic acids in our drinking water; C) My Mental Muse, Jara-bel, was on spring vacation in Key West, therefore I was left museless; or, D) After decades of serious study, I have learned the true meaning of procrastination.
     I love multiple choice questions. Being a crossword puzzle and an acrostic/crostic solver, all I need is a clue.
     If you chose "B", you were seriously close. However, if you chose "D", you hit the nail on the head.
     Having been a former newspaper reporter and editor, there never was enough time on the wall clock to procrastinate. Those journalists working for a morning-delivered newspaper had until about 1 a.m. to meet their deadline for the presses to roll; and those working for an afternoon-delivered paper had until high noon or, maybe, 1 p.m. at the latest to make deadline. That didn't leave any time to delay, defer or postpone an assigned chore(s). Even after a quick lunch at the hotdog place, the rest of the day, and often into the night, was spent doing newspaper work in advance of the next edition.
     While with the local chamber of commerce, I didn't have any time to proscratinate, either. Too many important business meetings to attend, too many programs of work irons in the fire, and too many telephone calls and e-mails to handle.
     The profundity of procrastinating, of course, has always fascinated me. I often wondered why it took a cohort so long to complete an assignment; or someone to return my call or e-mail. I have always suspected there was an art to proscrastination; however, the solution to being adept at procrastinating eluded me over the years.
     Well, now I know. It's easy to dillydally, tarry, dawdle, put off or prolong. There are so many other things I can be doing or enjoying rather than sitting in front of my computer monitor typing away. Oh, I have Marshall Bruney Media Consultants work to do on a daily basis and minutes from the monthly Anson Economic Development Corp. meetings to compile, but is the task so important that it must be done immediately if not yesterday?
     Television is the biggest culprit, its devilish image sitting on my shoulder and constantly luring me into watching "JAG"; or "Kate and Allie"; or ESPN, ESPN2 and Fox Sports; or "Crossing Jordan"; or "Star Trek: Voyager"; or the Sci-Fi Channel's daily marathon. Chores around the house can be a blessing but only if you look upon them as actual chores rather than a reason to procrastinate. Although Working a daily puzzle, or two, with my morning coffee seems to spur the mental juices into action, oftentimes it is more of a deterrent to productivity because it is then chowtime or naptime, or both.
     Then there is the pain in the legs and/or back associated with aging. That may be the best excuse of all just to kick back in the recliner and channel surf or watch a movie on DVD ... and procrastinate.
     I wonder if Hamlet, before his to-be-or-not-to-be soliloquy,looked upon his image in the garden pond and asked himself, "To procrastinate or not to procrastinate ... that is the question."
     Now, I have written 10 paragraphs for my elbertreble webcolumn, a.k.a. a blog; and I haven't fully broached my intended subject -- those levels of trihalomethanes and haloacetic acids in our drinking water that the Town of Wadesboro keeps mailing those postcards to water users warning us that the town's water supply at City Pond has levels above the drinking water standards.
     That can be my next webcolumn ... if I don't fall prey to the parallels of procrastination in an existential mental dimension.